• Jacqueline Gum

    Wonder if criteria vary by gender??? Me…I’d like someone who wears well, like a pair of comfortable shoes 🙂

    • I would think it would, Jacqueline. It would be interesting to compare the two, don’t you think? I like that “wears well” part and I’m totally with you on that.

    • Munir Bello

      Hear Hear Jacqueline, if the shoe fits…………… Please accept my apologies for replying so late, working my way through thread, as have only noticed all the activity.

  • Relationships will be successful only when you started feeling the unconditional love for each other. Finding love with secret agendas and great strategies… Good luck with that

    • Absolutely, Bindu. Sadly, so many do try. So what is your secret to your great relationship my friend?

      • I just love him and never expected anything in return. Winning an argument is not always the winning strategy. Sometimes saying “sorry” can make you a winner in the long run.

        • That is very cool Bindu and I agree with regarding arguments. 🙂

        • Munir Bello

          Definitely takes a big person to say sorry Bindhurani. Apologies for replying so late, have only noticed all the comments on here.

  • Glynis Jolly

    From what I have seen, those looking for particulars of any kind aren’t looking realistically for that relationship that lasts a lifetime. Chances are that they will never find it. The ones who aren’t sure about what they are looking for and are just wanting to ‘click’ with someone are the ones who have a better chance of having a relationship that is rich and long lasting.

    Munir, I think your take on relationships show a lot about who you are. 🙂

    • I am a testament of what you’ve said, Glynis. I met my husband unexpectedly out of the blue. At the time. I was not interested in any long term relationship of any kind (long story). It was a major surprise and I still feel blessed that it happened.

      I so agree, how you look at relationships will define the relationships you’ll have and it’s success rate. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Thanks for those very kind words Glynis. I agree that if someone puts it out there that they’re looking for companionship (the good kind) life will throw it their way. Please accept my apologies for not replying sooner. Just noticed all the comments

      • No need for apologies. There is life beyond cyber space. 😀

      • No apology is necessary. Life gets crowded sometimes.

  • I like your take on how to write about this issue. I certainly enjoy your sense of humor! But I think your take on the woman wanting the guy to look after her is not just reversed, but out of date. Sure, no one wants a partner to sit at home and be a couch potato, but most women expect to work outside of the home these days, and men likewise. Longevity really comes from friendship, but hey, looks don’t hurt. Thanks to both Munir & Susan.

    • Hi A.K., I too enjoyed Munir’s sense of humor and how he uses it to look at relationships and all it’s quirks. I think I would agree with you, however in some cultures that is still relevant today. For me, friendship is a must, and the basis where all great loves begin to flower. It’s our job to nurture that and keep the flower from fading. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Always a pleasure speaking with you AK 🙂 I meant it in the past tense. Sorry for late response, just been working my way through the thread as have just noticed the comments

  • I laughed when i read “Who’s that guy with the brilliant personality across the room?” – buffered that bit! LOL – great post, Munir – great guest, Susan!

    I too think the way you share your take on relationships says a lot about you. But i am missing something VERY important here – i have always believed the most important thing for a relationship to work is for the two people to look in one direction, won’t your agree?

    • Hi Diana, Thanks so much my friend. I laughed at that too and a few more things Munir said… LOL.

      I agree, there will always be differences, that is a given, but if you’re not focused in the same direction the relationship will quickly or soon fade no matter the passion.

      So what is your secret for a healthy long term relationship? 🙂

      • hah, what a question. Apart from the looking-in-one-direction “requirement”, i think the best policy and the best tip i can give is “Never go to bed angry with each other” 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      I agree with your final statement Diana. I’m glad that some of the interview made you laugh, always happy to put a smile on someones face. Please accept my apologies for such a late response, have only seen all these comments.

  • I definitely think that shared or common interests are by far the most important criteria when looking for a mate (or any friend for that matter.) It doesn’t mean you have to be joined at the hip. It just means that you share a love for live theatre, sports, travel, culinary delights or whatever. Those couples whose separate interests outweigh the commonalities will soon end up parting ways. Priorities are also critical. Too much emphasis on money is a sure deterrent to the success and longevity of a love relationship.

    • It’s hard for me to add much to what you’ve already said, Doreen. I agree with all of it. Life is hard enough without adding in a fractured relationship that is only focused on money. That would be miserable. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Wise words Doreen, about separate interests outweighing commonalities!! Apologies for late response, have only just seen all the comments

  • maxwell ivey

    Hi; thanks fr sharing his post. I am an almost totally blind gentlemann. I have narrowed my list down to three a sweet voice even temper and valid license. I am tall so taller than average would be nice too. and i was thinking about looks. I remember an episode of law and order where two lawyers that were dating in th show were discussing what drew them to each other. the guy was saying he was attracted by her brilliant legal mind. the girl said that was funny because as she remembered it it had more to do with high heals and a short skirt. smile I recently lost a lot of weight so now people are calling me handsome. I’m still gutting used to going from being the smart one or the funny one to being the good looking one. I’m working on it though. thanks and take care, max

    • Hi Max, Your very kind heart shines through your gentle words, my friend. It does take some getting use to when you’ve had a life change such as the one you’ve gone through. I hear your desire for a healthy relationship. I know in my heart that there is a very special someone out there for you. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      And you look good for it max. Good speaking with you again, so sorry i didn’t respond earlier, have only just seen all these comments.

  • Jeri Walker-Bickett

    The important thing to me is to enjoy how relationships inevitably change. Even though I met my husband at 19, and we got married in Vegas at 22, we are similar, but very different people than all those years ago. I like the point made that the number of men looking for a “sugar mummy” is on the rise. All points always go both ways, and I think Munir handles such details with grace, and yes, humor 😉

    • Growing and changing with the natural ebbs and flows of a relationship is all part of maintaining a healthy partnership, Jeri. We forget that sometime, don’t we?

      Sugar Mummies is an interesting trend for sure… LOL.

      I too loved how Munir handled the subject. Anytime we can add humor to this kind of thing, is a very good thing.

    • Munir Bello

      Hello Jeri!!! you’re always very generous with your compliments. Thanks again. Sorry i didn’t respond sooner, just seen the thread.

  • I think one person could look at another and think wow another person could look at the same person and thing so so and a third could look at them and think ugly…………so looks depends on who is looking. I do not think I am pretty or beautiful but Tim will tell me he thinks I am both and that is what matters. Tim and I have some similar interests along with a lot of different interests which is good we enjoy our time together and our time apart.

    • The phrase “Beauty in the eyes of the beholder” comes to mind Jo-Anne. It’s hard to find or be exactly the same in a relationship much less be glued at the hip. That would not be nearly much fun and besides who wants to look at themselves every day… 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      You’re very lucky to have such brilliant balance in your relationship Jo-Anne, you’re the envy of a lot of people I know. Looks definitely depend on who is looking. I’m sorry the response is so late but have only discovered the comments and am now working my way through the thread.

  • Greg Narayan

    Adventure. People I encounter want adventure, which turns into love, even if fleetings. Challenge views, new situations, looks virtually out the door.

    • I would ditto all of that, Greg. :-). Life’s funny about how we move from place to place, both in our location and our relationships. 🙂 So what is your favorite thing about being in a relationship?

      • Greg Narayan

        Totally!

        The new people for sure. Family, friends, stories shared. It’s a doorway to a new world. Also, love taking pictures incessantly and boasting them on social media 🙂

        • I so agree. New people add so much to our lives. I too am a massive picture taker. To the point that I now have an Separate external humugous hard drive just for peictrures

    • Munir Bello

      That is a rarity in my experience and observations Greg, but then again I don’t know it all 🙂 thank you for taking the time to comment and i’m sorry for not replying sooner, have only just seen the comments.

  • Niekka McDonald

    My list has definitely changed over the years. What I use to like I don’t care for anymore. What I enjoy now is so much better.

    • I know what you mean, Niekka, Our desires do take a different route as we grow. I can say the same about myself as well. So what is your most important “want to have” item?

    • Munir Bello

      I hope to experience new joys like you have Niekka. Sorry for not responding sooner, silly me has only just seen all the comments.

  • ‘the amount of people who have certain expectations of what they want of their partner but do not measure up to the standards they have set.’

    Awesome sauce…right there 😉 It’s amazing that we set all these expectations and don’t actually think about ourselves (of course, when we we do, we usually focus on our good qualities).

    I am not an expert in relationships (except for friends and family – I am doing great with that, thanks in part to blogging). As for love, well frankly I don’t care 😉

    I am not that interested into it…as of now, I am only focused on my long term goals – achieve them and nothing else matters (I know, it’s probably not a good idea to just devote our lives to goals, but I just go with it).

    I have thought about my own expectations in the past (there was a brief period of time in which my only expectation, for my future wife, is that we share a birthday – hey, we could share some money, right? :D).

    Anyways, thanks for the awesome advice, Munir! Nice meeting ya! And thanks to Susan for having you here.

    • I agree Jeevan. It is a great statement and very true indeed. It pleases me that your relationship with your family are where you want it to be.

      Why no love interest? Is there something that keeps you from wanting that in your life? You’re such a good and kind person.

      I hear what you’re saying about your long term focus and goals, but having someone along for the ride to share it with is a lot more fun and has a different kind of reward associated with it. 🙂

      • Of course, I do realize that…but part of my mind tells me I should just focus on my goals.

        If I do have a relationship, it means I would have to spend time and effort into it (more than I would put for my relationships with my friends – offline and online), which is great, of course. But, I want to just focus on my goals, at least for now 😀

        • I understand that Jeevan. It’s really hard to do it all well, isn’t it?

    • Munir Bello

      Good meeting you too mate, thanks for taking the time to read my musings and leave such a comprehensive comment. Glad you enjoyed it. I hope you get to meet all your goals. I also hope you’ll accept my apology for replying so late, working my way through thread as i’ve only just seen the comments

  • Munir Bello

    Thank you very much for your responses Ladies and Gents, your support is much appreciated and I hope you enjoy reading as much as I enjoyed writing it. Susan, you were a very gracious host. Jeevan, fantastic to meet you too. Jeri, you are an inspiration and a tremendous person. Max, I’m glad your lifestyle change is working out in a positive manner. Diana, I’m glad to have put a smile on your face. Glynis, thank you for the compliment. A.K Andrew, many thanks for the acknowledgement. Many thanks to all of you who took the time to read and respond 🙂

    • Hi Munir, It was a fun read and you are most welcome. I look forward to what the future may bring for you. I wish you continued success with your current book. 🙂

  • Laurie Hurley

    I love this! My husband of 22 years is good-looking, funny, makes a good living BUT we do not do everything together (how boring) What attracted him to me? His quiet demeanor. What did he like about me? My outgoing nature. A good balance to our relationship that has seen its ups and downs, happy and sad times while raising a “Ms. Perfect” daughter and an emotionally disturbed other daughter. Takes super glue to hold a relationship together sometimes. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

    • I love your phrase about super glue… LOL. That is so true, Laurie. You sound like you have a very health and happy relationship and for that I am happy for you. Children, on the other hand, can certainly have their ups and downs, but as they age common sense does take hold… thankfully. 😀

      Thanks for stopping by and lending your voice to the conversation. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      To hear you say you love this just made my day Laurie. To be honest I’m learning more from you than you learnt from me. It’s wonderful to see how well life has turned out for you and your family. I’m sorry i didn’t respond sooner. Have only just seen the comment thread properly.

  • maxwell ivey

    hi susan; thanks for those sweet words. yes i will find her she is out there. but maybe she isn’t ready yet. for now will continue to accept my new image as handsome in addition to smart funny and dependable. sounds like an ad doesn’t it? grin have a great v-day my friend. max

    • Aw, I know she is too, Max. I love the “Ad”. You have an awesome Valentine’s Day too, my friend. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      You’re a good man dude and i’m sure it won’t be long until you’re snapped up.

  • Cheryl Therrien

    Very interesting indeed. I like hearing this perspective, from a male point of view. Based on my relationship with my husband I would not say that we are at all compatible, but it works. 🙂

    • Hi Cheryl, I think so too on both counts. There are times that what looks like it would work, in fact, works very well and vice versa.

    • Munir Bello

      Thank you Cheryl. Good to “see” you again. So sorry for the late response. Have only just seen all these comments.

  • Adrienne

    Hey Susan,

    That’s very impressive and I bet Munir’s book is a good one too.

    I think as we age our needs change but although I would always notice a good looking guy I never went for them myself. Trust me, he couldn’t be ugly but he had to be what I called attractive to me.

    I was even set up on a blind date with a guy and when we first met my first thought was ewww.. He actually cooked me dinner and the more we talked the more attractive he became to me so yeah, his personality definitely won me over and we ended up dating for three years.

    As you know though, I’ve been single for almost 24 years this December and that guy was my only serious relationship since my divorce. Maybe some day I’ll take the time to get interested in looking for a companion but I like my life just the way it is for now. No telling what I’ll want by then. LOL!!!

    Great share though and thanks for this introduction. The perfect post for this week too.

    ~Adrienne

    • Hi Adrienne, I would think so too. I do love his sense of humor. 😀

      I love that story, I agree, when we give someone a chance to let their true self shine thru, what we thought was unattractive becomes so.

      Sometimes loving your self is good enough. That’s not always easy. When you’re ready, I know that you would find that special someone that is just right for you.

      Happy V Day my friend. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Thank you Adrienne, people seem to think the book is good and i hope you get the chance to read it and (fingers crossed) enjoy it. I’m sorry for such a late showing with responses. only saw this thread properly today. Have a good day. 24 years single? There’s definitely a book in that especially because i’m sure you get lots of passes made at you.

  • Wow, I feel really bad for the person who has the list of 42 requirements in their partner… I guess I feel even worse for the person who they meet!! I enjoy the shared interests I have with my wife, but also appreciate our individual interests.

    • LOL, me too Dan. I wonder how they would keep it straight. It’s so fun when it clicks and there is still room for discovery. As soul mates, how long have you known each other? 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Good man Dan. Please accept my apologies for not replying sooner, working through the thread. I share your feelings of pity for the person with the long list of requirements also.

  • This article made me think about my relationship with my wife. Sometimes you never know where you’re going to end up in life. It wasn’t always easy for us in the beginning, but in the end we are exactly where we are supposed to be (together) and happy!

    • I think it did pretty much the same thing for everyone Brandon. Learning to ride thru all the highs and lows in relationship isn’t easy, but it is so worth the effort, don’t you think? 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      That’s awesome to hear Brandon!! I’m sorry i didn’t respond earlier, only seen the thread. May your happiness last a long time, hopefully forever.

  • Thanks for introducing us to Munir Susan. On the point about sense of humor: I often get asked by introverts how to rev up their sense of humor. What I’ve found is what Jeff Foxworthy says is right – there is enough humor in our everyday lives if we just look! Thanks for a great interview.

    • Aw, your so welcome Patricia. I love that thought and couldn’t agree with him more. The key really is to pay attention. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      I’m glad you enjoyed it Patricia. My apologies for such a late response, have only just seen comments properly. Pleasure to meet you.

  • Pat Amsden

    I loved this post. His take on looks is spot on. I will say however, that the one time I went out with someone so good looking that jaws literally dropped and women drooled when he entered the room it wasn’t fun. He was a nice guy and it wasn’t his fault but you have to be really secure if you go out with someone like that. And trust me, in my late teens I wasn’t. Now to brush up on my humor.

    • I ma so glad you enjoyed this post Pat. I know he made me laugh too. I loved your story and bot isn’t that the truth. Being secure in yourself sure does help. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Thank you Pat and please accept my apologies for not replying earlier, have inly just seen the comment thread. Your last sentence definitely demonstrates a sense of humour to me 🙂

  • Rebecca Thompson

    It is funny how many people do say looks don’t matter when they clearly do. The only other thing I can say on this, is sometimes when you get to know a person then somehow they get better looking. I don’t know how this works, but it has happened to me.

    • That is so very true Rebecca. No one what to appear shallow, but still, when we hear that, we roll our eyes… LOL.

      It too think it’s interesting how a person looks totally can change in our eyes based on their overall personality. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Very true Rebecca. You love them more as each day passes and their attractiveness grows. i’m sorry i didn’t respond earlier. Have only just noticed the high volume of comments.

  • I agree that people look different to us, once we get to know them. Our perception of them changes the way they appear to us. I appreciate what you’ve shared about the recent trend showing men in search of women with money. I think people sometimes seek partners with traits they themselves do not possess, because they are looking for someone else to complete them. Of course this can only succeed if the other person is looking for someone with traits they too, do not possess.

    • It is an interesting phenomenon about more men seeking women with means Michele. They timed they do keep a changing… LOL.

      Yep, it does help if what ever they are searching for some how do coincide. It sure can be a disaster if that isn’t the case. 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Hi Michele. I wholly agree with what you are saying. It’s only fair that whatever traits we expect from others, we also possess. Apologies for late response, had no idea that these comments were here.

  • This was a fun read. I like that, while this is Munir’s take on relationships, it seems formed from observation and other research as well. Thanks for sharing Susan!

    • Hi Jen, That’s very cool. He does appears to be a very astute observer of human nature. When you match that with research, it makes for a very interesting read. Have you checked out his book? 🙂

    • Munir Bello

      Thank you Jen and i’m sorry for such a late response. Just clicked on article and saw all these comments.

  • HomeJobsbyMOM

    I didn’t particularly like my husband at first. He was ok but I didn’t think much about it partly because I was still getting over a break up. So he grew on me. I eventually noticed all of the things I love about him. The money part didn’t play a factor considering we were young. I’ve come to learn we agree on most things (the important things) and are def best friends 🙂

    • Hi Krystle, Many relationships start out a bit rocky and find themselves in a great place, like you two. That leads to your knowing each other well and appreciating what each other has to offer. The best part is, you are generally of the same mind, that’s awesome.

    • Munir Bello

      That’s really sweet to hear. I’m so sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, had no idea that the article generated so many comments until i revisited it

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